anders stuff + hard workouts

There is such a strength that can be gained from being positive.  And while I might not be the most positive person, I at least consider myself a realist.  It seemed realistic to me that when we brought Anders home in November, things would be "normal" right now.  That Anders would be off oxygen and growing like a weed.  That we could tuck the last several months away and it would slowly become ancient history; a book of the past that we could either choose to open or keep closed.

It's June.  Anders is still on oxygen and it doesn't look like we'll be done anytime soon.  Anders' reflux issues have gotten so bad that he nearly throws up everything he eats.  He lost a pound between April and May.  After trying many different things (the scope procedure a couple weeks ago and an upper and lower GI), plus a plethora of medications, we are meeting with a surgeon on Thursday to schedule his fundo (basically wrapping his sphincter muscle so it will hold his food in).  After that, he should be bound for his first surgery in a few weeks.  I am constantly administering medications that taste bad, ordering new ones, making sure we have enough tape to keep his cannula one his face, and in constant communication with our doctors at Boys Town, Children's, Complete Children's Health, and St. E's.

When we brought him home, I was so confident that our issues would be behind us by now that I am feeling lost right now.  My heart and entire body ache with the pain of carrying this weight.

So, the question that I have been struggling with is, "What now?!"  I could try to go back to getting through one day at a time I suppose.  But even that sounds daunting. My parents and husband have been great, but how do I help myself to maintain a positive attitude and a belief that one day, Anders will have made it through all of his issues?  I have spent the last six months throwing myself into my running harder that I ever have...and honestly, I have been struggling with whether this has been selfish.  One of my friends explained this to me: "Addie, things are so out of control with Anders and his health...running and training is something you CAN control."  This makes sense to me...when you world is spiraling out of orbit, you need to have something to grasp to, and running has given that to me.

Which is why I have packed the summer and fall with very difficult training and racing.  Last week, I think I completed 11 workouts.  One being a long run (marathon training), one being a speed workout, and one being a brick.  I went to the track last week and ran 4x1000 (2.5 laps around the track) and two 400's.  I finished my first 1k in 3:32...granted, I have not run 1k's in a very long time, but when I used to run them in college, I think I would come in around 3:45.  I hit my 400s in 1:19.  I have run many 400 repeats, and usually averaged between 1:25/1:30.  Last Friday, Philip and I completed our second brick as we train for the half iron in August.  We biked 30 miles on highway 15, hopped off our bikes, and ran 5 miles immediately after, maintaining a sub-8 pace on the run.

I know that many of you understand that this continues to be a difficult journey for our family.  Thank you for your continued love and support.  Here's to hoping for good things to come this summer and fall!

Happy running!