Facebook life (what you see) vs. Reality

It's been a tough day.  Well tough week.  Who am I kidding?! We've been having a tough time since August.

I have always used Facebook as a way to share pictures of my sons and basically "happy" things that are going on in our lives.  Yes, this has been an incredibly trying time in our lives, but I don't really believe social media is the place to broadcast our challenges.  With that being said, I have painted an unrealistically cheery profile that is not always a clear picture of our reality.

I was initially discharged from the hospital after my C-section when Anders was born on a Friday.  (Anders was born five days prior.)  Philip and I went together to visit him on Saturday and Sunday, and Monday was the first time that I went to see him by myself.  In addition to healing from my own surgery, I was scared to death to go for the first time alone.  I must have parked on a line in the parking lot, because when I got back to my car, I had a very nasty note that said, "LEARN HOW TO PARK, A^&*$%&!!!!!!"  Now, I'm guessing that this guy was having a rough day, too...why else would you take the time to write someone a mean note like that?!  Once again, though, I was reminded not to judge by outward appearances.  Yes, that Buick was happily (or haphazardly) just sitting there, but the owner was crying her eyes out staring at a baby that may or may not live.

Last week alone, we shuffled Anders to five different appointments.  I thought that he'd only have two this week, but as of today (Wednesday), three more have been added.  My heart and mind are so very frustrated by how difficult it is for every agency involved to communicate and make the best decisions. Many times, I am the link between everyone which is not a place I like to be.  I have no medical training and no medical knowledge.  And because I took the year off from working, this is MY job and contribution to our family.  However, that fact does not make it easy.  I am sad, mad, confused, and exhausted.  Running has become the most positive way for me to funnel all these negative emotions.

I talked to our doctor over her lunch.  She has been doing a fabulous job of trying to keep everyone communicating and then filling me in.  Today we talked about the best approaches to determining exactly what is happening with Anders reflux and if his lungs are continuing to get injured when he aspirates (sucks milk back into his lungs).  I called Philip when I got off the phone with her...he says all the right things. "You're doing the best you can."  "This is all a part of God's Plan."  "There are so many wonderful things in our lives."  All of these things are totally true.   I am doing the best I can.  I know this is part of God's Plan.  I know better than anyone that a horrible event can produce something beautiful in the end.  And yes, there are so many wonderful things that we have to be thankful for.  BUT there is still a lot of hurting and a lot of pain, and at times, seeing the good stuff is really hard for me.   But I still sat there with tears running down my face...this time silent ones.  (It's a good thing I like to put salt on my food...otherwise I might have to start taking those sodium replacement pills that the triathletes take!)

Throughout these past seven months, Philip and I have been blown away by fabulous, caring, and thoughtful people.  The amount of love that we were shown was incredible.  Lately, I have felt a little sad by a couple of my friends saying hurtful things regarding my recent successes in running.   I was confused that some people didn't want this one good thing to happen for me.   And it's not just a random thing...I have been working so hard for it. Anyway, I am not trying to complain or feel sorry for myself...and MOST IMPORTANTLY I don't want to lessen the amount of love that was and continues to be sent our way by focusing on negatives.

My family and I are not the only ones struggling through hard times.  Some people are fighting battles that we can see, while others are going through rough patches that are not visible.  I urge all of you to treat everyone around you with love and compassion... because you really don't know what another person has going on.  And please remember that while a problem might seem silly to you, it is still a problem for the person experiencing it.

Send the love when good things happen to those around you.  Send the love when bad things happen.  Just send the love.

And keep running.  Or start.  It's a great healer!